Fun with Kin in CD!

The Free People of Middle Earth need you in the fight against the Dark Lord Sauron and his minions. Will you answer the call and join the forces of good in the War of the Ring?

Moderators: Global Moderators, LOTRO Moderators

Fun with Kin in CD!

PostPosted: Fri Feb 08, 2008 6:23 pm

Ozgafen
Posts: 183
Joined: Tue Aug 07, 2007 4:26 pm
Location: Orlando, FL
Editor's Note: The following story is true, as sad as it sounds, and no names have been changed to protect anybody from the ridicule and torment that they deserve.

PART I

Sign posted at the Prancing Pony:

Single White Female Hunter looking for group to assist in acquiring Helchgams Putrid Slime in scenic Carn Dum. Applicants must be clean shaven, fun loving and good dancers! Musical skills a plus. PST to Ardith.

Outside the main gate of Bree the fellowship gathers.

Thorrz: So, we ready to go?
Ardith: Yup. Everyone on the bus!!
Wulfie: Um, who has the gate keys????

After drawing straws and deciding that Falcathir is to be left behind the intrepid fellowship welcomes Lifeson, holder of keys, to the group.

Fellowship: WELCOME!
Lifeson: Um, hi.

Ozgafen: Wow, that was a close one! Imagine how silly we would have looked fighting our way to the first gate and not being able to get in! Hopefully that was the only problem we face this evening. *cough*

So they set out from Bree, wind in their hair and victory in their hearts. Little did they know just what kind of mayhem is about to be unleashed......

The fellowship is comprised of Wulfie, Ardith, Thorrz, Cagun, Lifeson and Ozgafen. A few of them had never made the trip to the sewers of Carn Dum and the fearless leader, Wulfie, was prepared to guide them into what is widely accepted as the least scenic, and smelliest, place in Middle Earth. As they arrive at the main entrance of Carn Dum and prepare to charge in......

Thorrz: I have to go potty.

Ardith: np
Lifeson: np
Wulfie: np
Ozgafen: np
Cagun: WHIMP! LETS GO KILL STUFF!!!!!!!

After a short break they commence dismantling the Carn Dum Security and Enslaved Force. Everything seemed to be going well, no one had fallen in the water and they were progressing to Helchgam 's bath chamber at a decent pace. The fellowship then dispatches Helchgam 's bath attendants while Oz gives a guided tour of the chamber. Wulfie then informs the fellowship of the run-down on how the ensuing battle is going to go.

Wulfie: .. and dont fall into the water.
Lifeson: Right!
Ardith: Got it!
Thorrz: rgr
Ozgafen: *zzzzzzzz*
Cagun: Wow, it really smells bad in here

Once the picnic baskets are put away they jump down and begin to cut Helchgams tentacles into chum. The first column falls and Thorrz and Oz charge out to meet Helchgam head-on. Bow strings twang, spells are cast and the ichor is flying. After a few minutes the retreat is sounded and the fellowship moves on to the next column.. everyone except Cagun.

Cagun: Im not gonna let this slimeball regenerate! DIE DIE DIE DIE Um, Im dead.

The other 5 Fellowship members: Crap.

Wuflie: Thats OK, we can still take the vile beast down.

The second column falls and as before the battle is taken to Helchgam directly. During the battle Oz begins to wonder exactly how much effort it will take to render the ooze-ridden filth to its doom. As this thought is rolling around the vast expanse that holds his helmet up, Oz looses track of the time and with a mere few seconds to go before the squid pulls the fallen column under the surface of the filth-ridden water he calls for the retreat.

Ozgafen: RETREAT!!!
Thorrz: Im rooted.

KER-PLUNK!

Thorrz: And dead.
Helchgam: ROFL!!

With their tank gone and one of their elite DPSers down Wulfie makes a command decision.

Wulfie: Into the water everyone!

To be continued..

This concludes PART I of the misadventures of the SSE Kin in CD. Please enjoy the following selection of music from the regions of Rivendell, Bree, The Shire and Thorins Gate during the intermission and be sure to stop by the snack bar in the lobby where the special of the day is fried calamari with a green chipotle dipping sauce. Bathrooms are to the left and right as you exit the theater. Be sure to come back for the exciting conclusion to this epic tale.
Ozgafen Level 50 Champion (GM Tailor, GM Prospector & GM Forrester)
Warin Level 49 Guardian (GM Metalsmith, GM Prospector & Tailor)
Runescryer Level 15 Lore Master (GM Scholar, GM Farmer, Weaponsmith)
Nicknack Level 12 Burgler (GM Jeweller, GM Cook, GM Prospector)
Jhona Level 6 Bank/AH Mule. I mean Hunter (what ever woodcrafters do)

PostPosted: Fri Feb 08, 2008 8:32 pm

User avatar
Wulfsmark
Posts: 172
Joined: Sun Jul 08, 2007 9:01 am
:lol: :lol: :D This is great... it was hilarious the first time... this is like watching a great re run!!! LOL I have tears Oz... keep it up...

PostPosted: Fri Feb 08, 2008 9:48 pm

Ozgafen
Posts: 183
Joined: Tue Aug 07, 2007 4:26 pm
Location: Orlando, FL
MORE? You want MORE?????? You got it.....

PART II

Revised sign posted at the Prancing Pony:

Single White Female Hunter still looking for group to assist in acquiring Helchgams Putrid Slime in scenic Carn Dum. Applicants must be smart, reliable and willing to battle it out at all costs! DPS and healing skills a plus. PST to Ardith.

We rejoin our adventures after a successful Book 8 Chapter 5 run during which Ardith pulled off the amazing feat of turning in the quest before having actually completed it..

The fellowship was comprised of Ardith, Ozgafen, Ellura, Falcathir, Lifeson, Syro, Azlor, Grwyn... what is this, a raid?

Syro: I tell ya what, that Sara Oakheart is a hottie!

Ozgafen: Yeah, but she is a bit of a kleptomaniac, much like a certain hobbit that hangs out in Thorins Hall. *twitch*

The reformed fellowship enters the Carn Dum instance expecting to breeze through to the end chamber. Resistance to their progress is strangely low which means something is up.

Syro: The gate is locked. Ill go get Azlor.

While waiting for the keys Falcathir remarks that there seems to be a lack of elves in the Kinship to which Ozgafen responds.

Ozgafen: I was told by Bink that the only way the kin will tolerate an elf as a member is if I pay him 10 gold. 10 gold and a SSE membership card later I find out that the kin doesnt really hate elves and that it was just a scam by Bink to get my money. If you see him tell him Im looking for him. Oh, and be sure to keep your coin pouch hidden from site. And your jewelry too. And any weapons or armour you may have lying around. Bink is a bit like a raccoon when it comes to things that are shinny. Hes shifty. *twitch*

A vote is then taken and it is determined that Falcathir is the lead band member and Ardith, Ellura & Grwyn are his groupies. Oz is relegated to the role of rhody. Azlor then shows up dressed in black leather. *no comment*

Azlor: Hey! I know a short cut! Lets run in the back entrance and we wont have to fight our way through the tunnels to get to Helchgam.

Things were finally turning in favor of our stalwart band. Right? RIGHT? Well

Upon entering the bath chamber Azlor makes an interesting discovery.

Azlor: His bath attendants have reappeared, we have to go back up top and take them out before we can get to Helchgam. This way, follow me! We will run around the edge and

KER-PLUNK!
KER-PLUNK!
KER-PLUNK!
KER-PLUNK!


4 Dead Fellowship members: THE FREAKIN BRIDGE COLLAPSED!!!!!

Helchgam: OMG LMAO ROFL LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!! *slime shoots from its nose*

After a short resurrection and run back up the front entrance to Helchgams chamber the attendants are taken care of and the group drops the squid in record time. Ardith and Ellura then wrestle in the slime for the right to claim the Putrid Slime. After hosing them off, Ellura emerged as the winner!

In the end it took 3 hunters, 1 minstrel, 1 champion and a Tankstrel to avenge the Kinships earlier embarrassment at the sucker-tipped tentacles of Helchgam.

Time spent on Carn Dum slime run: 3 hours 35 minutes (including some time for Bk8Ch5)
Death toll: 10 brave soles (some more than once!)
Repair bill: A few hundred silver and change
Having fun with Kin: Priceless!


Sometimes youre the hammer, other times youre the nail. Either way, you wind up with a pounding headache!
-Oz
Ozgafen Level 50 Champion (GM Tailor, GM Prospector & GM Forrester)
Warin Level 49 Guardian (GM Metalsmith, GM Prospector & Tailor)
Runescryer Level 15 Lore Master (GM Scholar, GM Farmer, Weaponsmith)
Nicknack Level 12 Burgler (GM Jeweller, GM Cook, GM Prospector)
Jhona Level 6 Bank/AH Mule. I mean Hunter (what ever woodcrafters do)

PostPosted: Fri Feb 08, 2008 10:31 pm

User avatar
Syro
Posts: 887
Joined: Tue Jun 12, 2007 4:23 pm
Fantastic work ozzy! Bravo. :thumb:

You are correct about Syro and Sara. Syro does think she is hot!

But....

Syro was never actually there. Syro's brief appearance was to park himself someplace in the Southern Barrow Downs. Azlor and Krye went; and earlier in the night, Syrex made a showing to a very clean 8.1 run outside of CD.

At one point, we had a total of 3 minstrels involved in the Slime charade and in fellowship together! ---> falc, life, and krye. Something to do with keys or the lack thereof! Maybe more to do with plans and the hour of the appointment? I am not so sure, but there were three in fellowship together but only one assigned to heal ---> Falc!

And please do not forget that we needed two hunters to port one minstrel from Bree to CD ---> Gav came to get Krye at Bree, then Ardith came to get Gav at Bree. Huh? LOL.

So that's how a one hour run ended up taking 3+ hours? Nice!

It was a fun and entertaining! ;)

PostPosted: Fri Feb 08, 2008 11:21 pm

Ozgafen
Posts: 183
Joined: Tue Aug 07, 2007 4:26 pm
Location: Orlando, FL
Azlor and Krye went;
I am always getting your multiple personalities, I mean toons, confused!
Ozgafen Level 50 Champion (GM Tailor, GM Prospector & GM Forrester)
Warin Level 49 Guardian (GM Metalsmith, GM Prospector & Tailor)
Runescryer Level 15 Lore Master (GM Scholar, GM Farmer, Weaponsmith)
Nicknack Level 12 Burgler (GM Jeweller, GM Cook, GM Prospector)
Jhona Level 6 Bank/AH Mule. I mean Hunter (what ever woodcrafters do)

PostPosted: Fri Feb 08, 2008 11:31 pm

User avatar
Ardith
Posts: 62
Joined: Mon Jul 30, 2007 4:52 am
From now on I'll provide the campfire and marshmallows if Ozzy provides the entertainment ;) Awesome work Oz..was laughing so hard I was crying! Hands down the most entertaining night I've had in LOTRO, and I'm looking forward to MORE!! I must say I'm getting sick of being cheated by the books though! :smack:

PostPosted: Sat Feb 09, 2008 6:49 am

FalconX
Posts: 43
Joined: Fri Jan 18, 2008 12:10 am
Excellent work! I believe we need to have more adventures, so we have more "Story Times with Ozz"!!! :lol:

PostPosted: Sun Feb 10, 2008 4:52 pm

User avatar
Wulfsmark
Posts: 172
Joined: Sun Jul 08, 2007 9:01 am
Falcathir wrote:Excellent work! I believe we need to have more adventures, so we have more "Story Times with Ozz"!!! :lol:
Sounds like a great plan to me!!!!!!!! :thumb:

Return to “Lord of the Rings”